The title of this chapter is "Stacking the Stands." I absolutely LOVED this chapter!!! (I've really loved the entire book, but this chapter gave me more clarity to a vision that I've been developing.) In this chapter, DeVries took the first few verses of Hebrews 12, and applied it to what we need to do to help our youth today when ministering to them. Statistics show that when there is an extended family involved in the faith maturation and development of a youth, there is increased success. He continues to tie in the fact that when you use the term "extended family" in relation to growing to a mature faith, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are talking about your relatives. The church is the body of Christ and the members of this body are brothers and sisters. Taking this image and applying it to the faith maturation through the lens of Hebrews 12, DeVries paints the picture from which he titled this chapter. Every student needs to have their "stands" full of supporters and "witnesses" if he/she is to develop longevity in his/her faith. These "fans/supporters/witnesses" are brought in through interaction between youth and mature Christian adults.
"... in the long run, the teenagers in our churches will be affected by significant experiences with adults much more than by the mountaintop youth-group experiences that we spend so much energy creating." (pg 90)
Successful family-based youth ministry, in fact successful youth ministry in general is determined by the relationships between the youth and the mature Christian adults within the body of Christ. Once these relationships develop, they mean something and they last. One of the ideas that came to mind as I was reading (and DeVries touched on later in the chapter), was the development of discipleship relationships. Planning meetings where adults and youth can sit down and just talk about anything that they want. Later these evolve into something even deeper, where youth and adults serve alongside each other, doing service projects or simply praying for people. These types of experiences leave lasting impressions on youth as they are developing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As DeVries mentioned in the quote above, these memories and relationships have more impact and last A LOT longer than any kind of cool program that we can entertain the youth with for one hour each week.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Family-Based Youth Ministry Chapter 5
This chapter was titled "The Critical Care Unit." In this chapter DeVries exposed and addressed a critical weakness that youth workers today overlook rather easily. Many youth ministers and youth workers can grow very frustrated at times whenever he/she is working with youth. For me, it can happen a lot (even so when I work with college students here at school). I've often thought to myself, "Why can't they just understand that growing mature in their faith is VITAL to honoring God with your life and living a successful Christian life?"(Disclaimer: My definition of 'successful' might be different from yours.) I never understood why I couldn't get through to them like I want and help them to grasp hold of the concept. Then I read what DeVries had to say.
"According to the 1990 Search Institute report, only 15 percent of men between the ages of forty and fifty-nine have a mature, integrated faith. Stated another way, it is likely that 85 percent of our young people come from homes without a father to set an example of faithful discipleship." (pg 73)
The largest obstacle that we are facing today, is that many of our youth do not have parents who are mature in their own faith. It's amazing to me the affect that a parent's attitude toward their faith can have upon their children. So what now? Based upon the statistics from the research, I'd say that the church has a new mission in its ministry to youth, and it's exactly what the title of this book is, family-based youth ministry. What the church was able to put on training classes or Sunday-school classes where parents were taught how to mature their own faith and pass that desire on to their children? What if the youth ministry handed out topics of the week that the youth will be covering in youth group time, so that the family as a whole can discuss it at home together? An idea that a close friend and I have that has turned into a dream is to plant a church somewhere where the need is great for one, that does just this. Our dream is to see a church where every ministry is related and involved with the others. No ministry is off doing its own thing. We could sit down and plan congregation-wide themes for series, allowing for the whole family to be growing in the same areas at the same time. This is just the surface of some of the ideas that we have had to taking this idea of "family-based youth ministry" and applying to something that I might call "family-based church ministry."
"According to the 1990 Search Institute report, only 15 percent of men between the ages of forty and fifty-nine have a mature, integrated faith. Stated another way, it is likely that 85 percent of our young people come from homes without a father to set an example of faithful discipleship." (pg 73)
The largest obstacle that we are facing today, is that many of our youth do not have parents who are mature in their own faith. It's amazing to me the affect that a parent's attitude toward their faith can have upon their children. So what now? Based upon the statistics from the research, I'd say that the church has a new mission in its ministry to youth, and it's exactly what the title of this book is, family-based youth ministry. What the church was able to put on training classes or Sunday-school classes where parents were taught how to mature their own faith and pass that desire on to their children? What if the youth ministry handed out topics of the week that the youth will be covering in youth group time, so that the family as a whole can discuss it at home together? An idea that a close friend and I have that has turned into a dream is to plant a church somewhere where the need is great for one, that does just this. Our dream is to see a church where every ministry is related and involved with the others. No ministry is off doing its own thing. We could sit down and plan congregation-wide themes for series, allowing for the whole family to be growing in the same areas at the same time. This is just the surface of some of the ideas that we have had to taking this idea of "family-based youth ministry" and applying to something that I might call "family-based church ministry."
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Family-Based Youth Ministry Chapter 4
This chapter was entitled Sitting on a Gold Mine. In this chapter, DeVries discussed the role of parents and the gold mine that they are when it comes to ministering to youth. DeVries says:
"Research now shows that parents who simply talk about faith in the home and who involve their children in serving alongside them can actually double and sometimes triple their children's chances of living out their faith as adults." (pg 63)
With this knowledge, youth ministries everywhere should be striving to figure out ways in which to incorporate entire families within their ministry. One way that I truly believe is a great way to begin getting parents involved, is to supply them with ideas and resources to work with their kids in their faith. This may look like conversation starter questions that will kindle up some kind of personal discussion within the family over dinner. One of the ministry practices that I grew up participating in during my high school years with my church, was an event every so often that we called Pinedale Impact. What this was, was a time when members of the church would forego Sunday night service and would instead meet up to go out and serve the community. During this ministry I had the opportunity to join with my parents and go to an assisted living home and play some hymns for a time of praise and worship with the residents there. I can honestly say that I look back on that experience with GREAT fondness and wish that I could have the opportunity to do that yet again sometime. I agree wholeheartedly with DeVries when he says that parents are a gold mine that youth ministries are unaware of as they slowly kill themselves. It is something that I want to see changed and be a catalyst in creating a culture within youth ministry where parental involvement is incorporated healthily in every manner possible.
"Research now shows that parents who simply talk about faith in the home and who involve their children in serving alongside them can actually double and sometimes triple their children's chances of living out their faith as adults." (pg 63)
With this knowledge, youth ministries everywhere should be striving to figure out ways in which to incorporate entire families within their ministry. One way that I truly believe is a great way to begin getting parents involved, is to supply them with ideas and resources to work with their kids in their faith. This may look like conversation starter questions that will kindle up some kind of personal discussion within the family over dinner. One of the ministry practices that I grew up participating in during my high school years with my church, was an event every so often that we called Pinedale Impact. What this was, was a time when members of the church would forego Sunday night service and would instead meet up to go out and serve the community. During this ministry I had the opportunity to join with my parents and go to an assisted living home and play some hymns for a time of praise and worship with the residents there. I can honestly say that I look back on that experience with GREAT fondness and wish that I could have the opportunity to do that yet again sometime. I agree wholeheartedly with DeVries when he says that parents are a gold mine that youth ministries are unaware of as they slowly kill themselves. It is something that I want to see changed and be a catalyst in creating a culture within youth ministry where parental involvement is incorporated healthily in every manner possible.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Family-Based Youth Ministry Chapter 3
Chapter 3 is entitled "The Developmental Disaster." In this chapter, DeVries talks about how this generation of youth have changed in the way that they learn and develop. One of the biggest changes is the fact that unlike previous generations, this generation learns and takes in by images and not so much as words. This change is certainly one that is vital to keep in mind when one is ministering to youth. One of the causes of this change, is the limited interaction that youth have with the older, more mature generations. DeVries says,
"Students are ready to tell you how they feel about an issue, but they have never learned how to construct a rational argument to defend their opinions." (pg 51)
I believe that the biggest need of youth from youth workers today, is the very thing that we struggle with. We need to find a way to help them learn how to construct rational arguments and discover the transitional changes that they need to go encounter and go through in order to become the mature adult that we are wanting them to become.
"Students are ready to tell you how they feel about an issue, but they have never learned how to construct a rational argument to defend their opinions." (pg 51)
I believe that the biggest need of youth from youth workers today, is the very thing that we struggle with. We need to find a way to help them learn how to construct rational arguments and discover the transitional changes that they need to go encounter and go through in order to become the mature adult that we are wanting them to become.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Family-Based Youth Ministry Chapter 2
The title of this chapter is Is Anybody Out There?: The Growth of Teenage Isolation. This chapter struck me in a funny way. DeVries addresses the crises that he sees as the major contributing factor to why youth aren't becoming the mature Christian adults that we all want them to become. This crisis, is the isolating of the youth from the rest of the church. The image of this that he uses is the "one-eared mickey mouse." The circle that represents the head, is the church. The circle that represents the ear, is the youth group. There is little interaction between the two. DeVries sees this as a crucial mistake of the churches today. It seems as if the church is copying what the current culture is doing. In schools, neighborhoods, social activities, and even families, youth are becoming isolated from adult figures. DeVries concludes this about this isolation trend.
"The obvious limitation of a co-figurative culture, or what Robert Bly calls a 'sibling society,' is that each generation has to relearn (and often incorrectly) a value system that can give them coherence and meaning." (p 37)
When I talk to youth ministers today, often times I hear about their plans to create a new youth service for Sunday mornings, as an alternative to the traditional worship service which they are currently attending. They motivation for this change, is to increase more interest in the youth group and draw in more young individuals from the local schools and community. This is where I am torn. I understand what DeVries is getting at and the importance of having the youth interact with older generations and all, yet I also think that there is value in gearing services in such a way to attract youth in and preach the gospel to them. I'm caught in a predicament on this. What I wonder, is if there is a way in which you can do both. One option that I personally have been wrestling with, is the idea of having the opportunity for the Sunday morning youth service, while either on Sunday night or Wednesday night providing elective classes where youth and adults can attend together, and allow the other night (either Sunday or Wednesday) to be reserved for small groups. This is just a BASIC idea that I'll probably end up thinking through and fleshing out, but what do you think? Is there a way (maybe not even the one I presented) that an arrangement could be reached so that youth could have their own service, yet still have the opportunity to be with adults and learn from that experience? Or would this split the strengths of the church and turn "doing one thing REALLY well" to "doing multiple things MEDIOCRE?"
"The obvious limitation of a co-figurative culture, or what Robert Bly calls a 'sibling society,' is that each generation has to relearn (and often incorrectly) a value system that can give them coherence and meaning." (p 37)
When I talk to youth ministers today, often times I hear about their plans to create a new youth service for Sunday mornings, as an alternative to the traditional worship service which they are currently attending. They motivation for this change, is to increase more interest in the youth group and draw in more young individuals from the local schools and community. This is where I am torn. I understand what DeVries is getting at and the importance of having the youth interact with older generations and all, yet I also think that there is value in gearing services in such a way to attract youth in and preach the gospel to them. I'm caught in a predicament on this. What I wonder, is if there is a way in which you can do both. One option that I personally have been wrestling with, is the idea of having the opportunity for the Sunday morning youth service, while either on Sunday night or Wednesday night providing elective classes where youth and adults can attend together, and allow the other night (either Sunday or Wednesday) to be reserved for small groups. This is just a BASIC idea that I'll probably end up thinking through and fleshing out, but what do you think? Is there a way (maybe not even the one I presented) that an arrangement could be reached so that youth could have their own service, yet still have the opportunity to be with adults and learn from that experience? Or would this split the strengths of the church and turn "doing one thing REALLY well" to "doing multiple things MEDIOCRE?"
Family-Based Youth Ministry Chapter 1
So, I'm switching gears now, and I'm now going to be focusing on Mark DeVries book Family-Based Youth Ministry. Chapter one is entitled Something's Wrong: The Crisis in Traditional Youth Ministry. This chapter was packed full of really interesting stuff, and I already highly recommend this book for any person who is interested or involved in ministering to youth. There is one thing specifically that I want to pull out and share with you from this chapter. DeVries says that what the church wants (and needs), is mature Christian adults. To have mature Christian adults, you have to develop and mentor Christian youth, helping them to mature. DeVires unpacked this a little and then said something that I can honestly (and ashamedly) say that I have never thought about.
"But keeping teenagers from ever being bored in their faith deprives them of the opportunity to develop the discipline and perseverance they need to live the Christian life." (p 27)
"Mature Christian adults, then, are those people who no longer depend on whistles and bells to motivate them to live out their faith." (p 28)
This is HUGE!!! I've always heard from youth around me growing up, "Man, I don't want to go to youth group tonight. It's SOOOO boring. They just don't do anything that I want to do." Even now that I'm older (and hopefully more mature), I hear adults say left and right, "We aren't doing what the students want. They're getting bored and we have to change something. If they get bored, they won't come back." Now I will admit that there is some truth to this. However, my fear is that today's youth programs are loosing the priority. The main focus isn't supposed to be trying to use the coolest video illustrations or the newest songs, but instead the focus is supposed to be in leading students to the throne of God, to encounter Him and leave changed. I'm not saying that using technology is a bad thing. In fact, I think that you need to use technology when working with youth. Technology is a HUGE part of this generation, and when you use something that is tangible to them, they have the opportunity to really use that as a platform in developing a deeper faith. The problem arrises when the youth have lost their focus. As soon as they rely upon the latest technology or the recent fad to grow and 'feed' them (I don't think it's very nourishing), they will become dependent upon those things (like a drug) and cannot (or will not) have anything to do with anything that doesn't involve those things.
Going back to DeVries first quote, I believe that this is a critical point/stance that his is making/taking, and after thinking about it, I think I agree with him. The theology in Christianity (with the exception to hard-Calvinism and other similar beliefs) is laced FULL of the concept of 'choice.' The reason why I bring this up, is because youth have the choice. Often times today some will try to shift the blame to others, saying that they just aren't interesting, as to why he or she isn't coming to youth group any longer. Yet at the same time, they STILL HAVE THE CHOICE. When a person makes a conscious choice to go somewhere or do something that isn't exactly what he or she 'likes' or finds 'interesting,' yet chooses it because he or she knows it's important, that person is showing a great deal of maturity. It is decisions like this that I feel help youth to develop and mature more spiritually and as a person. If this idea were to become contagious and catch on among the youth of today, I think that this crisis would dissolve, as the maturing youth become mature Christian adults.
"But keeping teenagers from ever being bored in their faith deprives them of the opportunity to develop the discipline and perseverance they need to live the Christian life." (p 27)
"Mature Christian adults, then, are those people who no longer depend on whistles and bells to motivate them to live out their faith." (p 28)
This is HUGE!!! I've always heard from youth around me growing up, "Man, I don't want to go to youth group tonight. It's SOOOO boring. They just don't do anything that I want to do." Even now that I'm older (and hopefully more mature), I hear adults say left and right, "We aren't doing what the students want. They're getting bored and we have to change something. If they get bored, they won't come back." Now I will admit that there is some truth to this. However, my fear is that today's youth programs are loosing the priority. The main focus isn't supposed to be trying to use the coolest video illustrations or the newest songs, but instead the focus is supposed to be in leading students to the throne of God, to encounter Him and leave changed. I'm not saying that using technology is a bad thing. In fact, I think that you need to use technology when working with youth. Technology is a HUGE part of this generation, and when you use something that is tangible to them, they have the opportunity to really use that as a platform in developing a deeper faith. The problem arrises when the youth have lost their focus. As soon as they rely upon the latest technology or the recent fad to grow and 'feed' them (I don't think it's very nourishing), they will become dependent upon those things (like a drug) and cannot (or will not) have anything to do with anything that doesn't involve those things.
Going back to DeVries first quote, I believe that this is a critical point/stance that his is making/taking, and after thinking about it, I think I agree with him. The theology in Christianity (with the exception to hard-Calvinism and other similar beliefs) is laced FULL of the concept of 'choice.' The reason why I bring this up, is because youth have the choice. Often times today some will try to shift the blame to others, saying that they just aren't interesting, as to why he or she isn't coming to youth group any longer. Yet at the same time, they STILL HAVE THE CHOICE. When a person makes a conscious choice to go somewhere or do something that isn't exactly what he or she 'likes' or finds 'interesting,' yet chooses it because he or she knows it's important, that person is showing a great deal of maturity. It is decisions like this that I feel help youth to develop and mature more spiritually and as a person. If this idea were to become contagious and catch on among the youth of today, I think that this crisis would dissolve, as the maturing youth become mature Christian adults.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The Family Chapter 8
Family and spirituality. These two subjects often times two of hot conversation among people around the country today. Whether it's, "Don't tell me what my family should believe!!!" or "We don't talk about God at home. That's what church is for." many people have some pretty concrete thoughts about how they thing their family and their spiritual life should mix. In chapter 8 of "The Family," Balswick and Balswick layout a model for the way that they both feel one's family and the family's spirituality should relate together. This model is a trinitarian form model with three parts.
1) Each family member is differentiated in his/her identity in Christ.
2) Within the context of the family, each family member establishes his/her own differentiated faith.
3) The spirituality of the family as a whole become differentiated and thus serves as a catalyst that unifies and transforms each family member's life.
After reading through this chapter and really chewing on what this model would bring about, I began to realize that the ideas and thoughts that I have on the subject of family spirituality, are very similar to it. I strongly believe that if a person is going to truly become a Christian and become the person that God intends for him/her, then he/she is going to have to develop his/her own faith. I don't mean that they come up with a new religion by any means. What I mean by that, is that each individual will "own" their faith. What they believe and why they believe it will be real and personal to him/her. No longer will a son or a daughter be living off of his/her parent's faith.
This past summer I was chose to become the youth intern at Bridges Christian Church in Russell, Kentucky. This was an exciting thing for me to do. One of my best friends had just become the youth minister there earlier in the year and he was looking to basically "reset" the youth group. The direction that we wanted to take the youth group in, was based upon this very concept, "How do we get students excited about their faith so that they will make it real and make it their own?" The verse that really fueled our efforts and plans for the youth group was 2 Corinthians 1.24. "But that does not mean we want to dominate you by telling you how to put your faith into practice. We want to work together with you so you will be full of joy, for it is by your own faith that you stand firm"
I believe that whenever you have a differentiated faith within your family, each individual has their "own" faith and knows what they believe and why they believe it. Not only does this allow each individual to stand firm, but it also proves to be a catalyst for growth and change among the other members of that individual's family. This is what Balswick and Balswick are getting at in their model for family spirituality. Each family member has his/her own identity in Christ and no one can change that (1). Based upon this new identity in Christ, each family member develops his/her own faith based upon his/her unique life circumstances and experiences (2). Finally, each family member is responsible for his/her own faith, however members can push and encourage other members in areas where that member may be failing. There is a sense of accountability and a source of exhortation that is created and exists among the members of the family (3).
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Family Chapter 2
Families are systems. This is something that when you realize, will begin to help you understand the make up of families as well as how they work. What I want to point out from Chapter 2, is the three types of interaction of members of one subsystem with members of other subsystems within the larger family system. As I was reading through the descriptions of the three, I immediately thought of families whom I know, that would fit as examples for each of them. The three types of interaction are 1) disengagement, 2) differentiation, and 3) enmeshment. Now I believe that these types of interactions can also be seen within churches. If I may, I would venture to say that two of the three descriptions fit a church who is dying or stagnant.
A) Disengagement
In a family, this not only looks like the subsystems are distanced, but each individual within the subsystem is also distanced from the other. The marital dyad of husband and wife are distanced, the parental relationships between mother-daughter, mother-son, father-daughter, and father-son are also distanced. This leads to a severely handicapped family. Members are not in the type of relationship that I feel God calls us to have. Now within the church, I believe this is one of the indications that the congregation is struggling. It might look like a pastor who isn't cooperating with the elders, or elders who do not like the youth minister so they try to make his job as difficult as possible in hopes that he will leave. It also might look like ministries within the church not wanting to have anything to do with the others. Each ministry wants to do its own thing. This type of relationship and environment does not promote what God wants out of the church.
B) Enmeshment
In a family, this looks like each member of the family being overly dependent upon another. In this type of family, the son/daughter never truly establishes him/herself from his/her parents and when it becomes time for him/her to grow up and move out on his/her own, he/she runs into problems. Within a church, I believe this is also an interaction type that is an indicator of an unhealthy church. This church isn't like the other church in the respect that the ministries don't want anything to do with the others. In fact, this one takes to the opposite extreme. Ministries become so involved with each other that they do not make the necessary differentiations that are needed for particular age groups. This hinders the spiritual development of some children as well as some adults as they progress through the church's education system.
C) Differentiation
In a family, this looks like each member of the family being close with each other, yet at the same time not too overly dependent upon each other. This would be considered the healthy normal and balance between enmeshment and disengagement. Within the church, I believe that this is the indication of a healthy congregation. The ministries within the church work together to develop a big picture of how they want to teach and equip members of the congregation as they progress through childhood all the way into adulthood. Each ministry has its own unique properties that allow for there to be a time of growth and adaption as each student/adult enters into a new educational level.
In closing, Balswick and Balswick mentioned that there may be times where families (and I might add church congregations) will adapt and become any one of these three interaction types. The important thing to remember however, is that it is imperative that the primary and predominant type should be differentiation. I believe that this allows for maximum growth with individuals both within the church and within the family.
A) Disengagement
In a family, this not only looks like the subsystems are distanced, but each individual within the subsystem is also distanced from the other. The marital dyad of husband and wife are distanced, the parental relationships between mother-daughter, mother-son, father-daughter, and father-son are also distanced. This leads to a severely handicapped family. Members are not in the type of relationship that I feel God calls us to have. Now within the church, I believe this is one of the indications that the congregation is struggling. It might look like a pastor who isn't cooperating with the elders, or elders who do not like the youth minister so they try to make his job as difficult as possible in hopes that he will leave. It also might look like ministries within the church not wanting to have anything to do with the others. Each ministry wants to do its own thing. This type of relationship and environment does not promote what God wants out of the church.
B) Enmeshment
In a family, this looks like each member of the family being overly dependent upon another. In this type of family, the son/daughter never truly establishes him/herself from his/her parents and when it becomes time for him/her to grow up and move out on his/her own, he/she runs into problems. Within a church, I believe this is also an interaction type that is an indicator of an unhealthy church. This church isn't like the other church in the respect that the ministries don't want anything to do with the others. In fact, this one takes to the opposite extreme. Ministries become so involved with each other that they do not make the necessary differentiations that are needed for particular age groups. This hinders the spiritual development of some children as well as some adults as they progress through the church's education system.
C) Differentiation
In a family, this looks like each member of the family being close with each other, yet at the same time not too overly dependent upon each other. This would be considered the healthy normal and balance between enmeshment and disengagement. Within the church, I believe that this is the indication of a healthy congregation. The ministries within the church work together to develop a big picture of how they want to teach and equip members of the congregation as they progress through childhood all the way into adulthood. Each ministry has its own unique properties that allow for there to be a time of growth and adaption as each student/adult enters into a new educational level.
In closing, Balswick and Balswick mentioned that there may be times where families (and I might add church congregations) will adapt and become any one of these three interaction types. The important thing to remember however, is that it is imperative that the primary and predominant type should be differentiation. I believe that this allows for maximum growth with individuals both within the church and within the family.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The Family Chapter 1
The Family
- Jack Balswick and Judith Balswick
And so we begin...
This first post is going to be about something that really stuck out to me in the first chapter of this book. It didn't take too long for me to get into this chapter before I stumbled across something that really got me thinking. This beginning chapter is setting the stage for the rest of the book and explaining how the authors understand a family system to be modeled after the trinity communion. If this is true, then their view about the relationship between family members being a covenant instead of a contract is spot on. Let's start with the major difference between the two. A covenant is something that someone doesn't enter into lightly. A covenant is an agreement/promise that isn't to be broken. A contract is an agreement which continues to exist until the specified time is up or a member of the contract fails to live up to his or her end of the deal, in which case the other individual(s) can terminate the contract. On page 22, I read,
"Because relationships are dynamic and ever changing, if a relationship does not spiral to deeper levels of commitment, grace, empowering, and intimacy, it will stagnate and fixate on contract rather than covenant, law rather than grace, possessive power rather than empowering, and distance rather than intimacy."
When I read this, I was completely blown away. Now this concept might not be earth-shattering for many, but this was something that I needed to read and hear in this way at this very moment. This simple sentence speak a GREAT truth that we all need to be reminded of every now and again. How many times have you found yourself in a relationship with someone with whom you are very close with, but for some reason you are finding yourself getting short with him or her and getting extremely frustrated with the other person? Have you ever taken a moment to check yourself? If our relationships here on earth are to be modeled after God's relationships because we are made in His image (imago dei), then we aren't doing something right. In fact, if you find yourself in the description I just detailed, you might want to evaluate yourself and see what you are expecting out of that particular relationship. Are you taking a contract stance/viewpoint instead of a covenant? Are you looking for the other person for follow a list of rules and expectations that you have for them (law) instead of being him/herself and allowing you to exercise grace if he/she does something that offends you? Are you looking to control the person instead of help them become more than what they currently are (empowering)? Each of these things pushes you further and further away from the other person. I found myself in this situation not too long ago, and I'm still trying to correct my mental processes and recover from it. I guess my point is this. God loves us with a covenant love. He won't stop loving us. Even though we do things that He doesn't like and that hurt Him, He still loves us and offers us grace and forgiveness through Jesus Christ. God also calls us to conform to the example and be more like his son Jesus as we grow in our faith. If we are growing more Christ-like, then our desires and human make-up are changing. Our contract love and expectations are and should be changed into covenant ones. It's the way were intended to be.
- Jack Balswick and Judith Balswick
And so we begin...
This first post is going to be about something that really stuck out to me in the first chapter of this book. It didn't take too long for me to get into this chapter before I stumbled across something that really got me thinking. This beginning chapter is setting the stage for the rest of the book and explaining how the authors understand a family system to be modeled after the trinity communion. If this is true, then their view about the relationship between family members being a covenant instead of a contract is spot on. Let's start with the major difference between the two. A covenant is something that someone doesn't enter into lightly. A covenant is an agreement/promise that isn't to be broken. A contract is an agreement which continues to exist until the specified time is up or a member of the contract fails to live up to his or her end of the deal, in which case the other individual(s) can terminate the contract. On page 22, I read,
"Because relationships are dynamic and ever changing, if a relationship does not spiral to deeper levels of commitment, grace, empowering, and intimacy, it will stagnate and fixate on contract rather than covenant, law rather than grace, possessive power rather than empowering, and distance rather than intimacy."
When I read this, I was completely blown away. Now this concept might not be earth-shattering for many, but this was something that I needed to read and hear in this way at this very moment. This simple sentence speak a GREAT truth that we all need to be reminded of every now and again. How many times have you found yourself in a relationship with someone with whom you are very close with, but for some reason you are finding yourself getting short with him or her and getting extremely frustrated with the other person? Have you ever taken a moment to check yourself? If our relationships here on earth are to be modeled after God's relationships because we are made in His image (imago dei), then we aren't doing something right. In fact, if you find yourself in the description I just detailed, you might want to evaluate yourself and see what you are expecting out of that particular relationship. Are you taking a contract stance/viewpoint instead of a covenant? Are you looking for the other person for follow a list of rules and expectations that you have for them (law) instead of being him/herself and allowing you to exercise grace if he/she does something that offends you? Are you looking to control the person instead of help them become more than what they currently are (empowering)? Each of these things pushes you further and further away from the other person. I found myself in this situation not too long ago, and I'm still trying to correct my mental processes and recover from it. I guess my point is this. God loves us with a covenant love. He won't stop loving us. Even though we do things that He doesn't like and that hurt Him, He still loves us and offers us grace and forgiveness through Jesus Christ. God also calls us to conform to the example and be more like his son Jesus as we grow in our faith. If we are growing more Christ-like, then our desires and human make-up are changing. Our contract love and expectations are and should be changed into covenant ones. It's the way were intended to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)